Did You Know the Bible Talks About Hemorrhoids?

Ugh. Even the word probably makes you uncomfortable. You’re probably squirming in your chair right now.

Surprisingly, there’s a story in I Samuel that talks about hemorrhoids. You may already be familiar with it. Toward the end of the time of the judges, the Philistines attacked the Israelites at a city about twenty-five miles from Shiloh, the home of the tabernacle and the ark of the covenant at the time. The first day of the battle, the Israelites were soundly defeated. When the soldiers returned to camp, the elders had the idea to send men to Shiloh and bring the ark of the covenant to the battle site so that “it” would save them from their enemies.

When the ark arrived, the Israelites shouted so loud, the ground shook. The Philistines heard the shouting and wondered what the noise was all about. When they learned the ark of Yahweh was there, the Philistines were afraid. And they had reason to be. They believed a god had actually come into the camp – one of the gods who had earlier “struck the Egyptians with all kinds of plagues in the desert.”

But they knew they had to win or be slaves, so they fought hard and defeated the Israelites – killing 30,000 – and what was more, captured the ark of God. They took it back to Ashdod and put it in the temple of their god Dagon, until their god broke falling down before the ark. God not only judged their god, but their people as well. The author said the Lord’s hand was heavy on the people of Ashdod and He brought devastation and afflicted them with hemorrhoids. The Philistines recognized the punishment was from the God of Israel, so they sent the ark on to another city. The same death and affliction happened there and wherever they moved the ark, so that after seven months, the Philistines called all their priests and diviners and asked what to do with the ark.

They told them to send it back to the Israelites – with gifts – but they also warned their fellow countrymen to not “harden their hearts as the Egyptians and Pharaoh did.” Send the ark back now before we get nine more rounds of hemorrhoids and worse. What I want you to notice is that the Philistines knew and were afraid of the power of the God of Israel. They knew and believed the stories of the plagues on Egypt – that had happened in a different country 400 years earlier! The Israelites, apparently not impressed by their own God, had not asked for His help but dragged around the ark of the covenant like a good luck charm.

When I see the sin and craziness going on around us now, I am fascinated by how hard the world, like the Philistines, fights against God, as if they know how powerful He is and need to fight as hard as they possibly can. They go all out and sometimes even throw up their fists in victory, seemingly unaware that God has already won. Let the strength and hope of that knowledge give you peace but also inspire you to bring those fighting so futilely to the winning side.