If you’ve heard the devastating news that a kid you know has been diagnosed with cancer or another serious illness, chances are you’ve said some variation of “let me know if you need anything” with all the genuine intention of doing whatever that parent-in-crisis tells you. Chances also are they probably just said “thank you” and left it at that. Of course they need help, and of course there are things you could do, but either they couldn’t think of anything at the moment in the swirl of emotions and thoughts and questions that accompany unexpected news, or they might not be comfortable asking for help. This list is to help you think of ways you can bless kids with serious illness and their families in practical and meaningful ways- but first, 3 things you shouldn’t do. 

3 Things Not To Do

1. Don’t shut out families in crisis. Even though it’s painful, scary, and hard to know how to help, lean in. Be there for support, even if it’s just to listen. 
2. Don’t give advice unless they ask you for it. It’s overwhelming enough to come to grips with a diagnosis and learn about the treatment options with the care providers. 
3. Don’t send stuff- meaning toys, stuffed animals, etc. (unless the child/parent has asked for something specific.) Parents continually relate that although they are so grateful for the love and support, all the stuff that is given to their family ends up adding to the stress and many times ends up donated somewhere else. See list below for more useful ideas!

10 Ways You Can Be A Blessing

Spiritual Support

1. Start a prayer group. Let the family know how you’re praying for them. Ask them for specific requests. Even families that aren’t religious tend to appreciate prayer. 
2. If the parents are believers and they ask for prayer, pray right then and there. If you’re on the phone, pray out loud; if they ask in text, type out your prayer so they can see it. 

Everybody Eats

3. If you love to cook, ask when you can bring over dinner. Take it one step further, and make a week’s worth of freezer meals. Or, take it one step further and organize a group of friends to prepare a month’s worth of freezer meals.
4. Gift cards are super helpful, but if at all possible, get Visa or Mastercard gift cards or give cash. This way, the family can buy what they need when they need it and not have to coordinate certain restaurant locations. If the family will be at the hospital often, you can usually get gift cards for the hospital cafeteria and coffee shop. 
5. Pack a snack/drink bag for the family to take to the hospital. This is especially helpful for times the parent might be alone and not want to leave the child to eat. In the same vein of thought, if you’re going to visit, find out if you can pick up something on the way.

Home Care

6. There are so many ways to help when it comes to home care…and some of these ideas might or might not be possible depending on your relationship with the family and their comfort level with having people in their home. You could offer to clean their house, or pay for a housekeeper. You could mow their grass, weed their flower beds, tend their garden, etc. 
7. Since kids in treatment often need to be at a lot of appointments, their pets might be a little lonely. You could offer to feed and play with the family’s pets, or offer to keep them overnight when the family has to be away. 

Things You Might Not Have Thought About

8. In many situations, the family is driving more than they did before. Gas gift cards are helpful to offset the added cost of fuel. Or, if you’re able, offer an oil change or a detail on the interior of their car, as they’re probably not thinking much about their vehicle. 
9. If the parents are getting overwhelmed by texts, social media updates, etc, offer to be the contact person, allowing them to focus on close family members. 
10. Don’t forget the siblings. Often they’re feeling scared and left out, and a little fun outing or a card to let them know you’re thinking of them could mean the world. 

Even though it can be difficult to figure out how to help a family in crisis, with a little prayer and attention, you can offer simple types of help that can make a big difference. If you have other ideas of ways to help, let us know in the comments below!