“I was just talking to my friend, Larry, about what it’s like when your parents sojourn to glory. My mom sojourned when she was way too young back in 2005, and then my dad passed away this past May, and I had the honor and privilege of being right there with both of them when they passed to glory. I just encourage you, when you’re with someone in their final hours, to just speak life over them, sing to them, stroke them…just help usher them from this world to the next glorious world, beautifully.” ~Lauren Kitchens
If you’ve never been with a loved one at the end of their life, you may not have thought about the best ways to comfort and support them in their final hours on Earth. When you find yourself in that situation, you might at first feel scared, panicked, or desperate, but take a deep breath and try to think about what you might want or need in that situation, and let that be a starting point. Below are a few ideas to help you prepare to emotionally and spiritually support your loved one. If you need information about helping to keep your loved one physically comfortable, this is a great article from Mayo Clinic .
Prayer
Prayer is a natural response in the face of death. It may comfort your loved one and remind them of their loving Creator. Below are a few key thoughts Barry Pennington, Chaplain of Crossroads Hospice & Palliative Care likes to include in his prayers for the patients he sees. “My desire is that they may experience God with them when they allow me to pray.”
- God is always present with us, even when we may not be experiencing that presence.
- As a chaplain, I don’t pretend to have the answers. I join with my patient in asking the “whys.”
- God is with my hospice patient, especially in suffering.
- Caregivers also experience God’s presence in caring for their loved one.
- I affirm my personal trust in God even when none of us have the answers.
If you don’t feel comfortable with your own prayers, read written prayers or liturgies. Douglas McKelvey has written a beautiful and powerful set of liturgies called Every Moment Holy. The second book in the series is specifically geared toward death and grief. Even if your loved one is unconscious, continue to pray and talk with them. It’s widely believed they can still hear you and/or sense you are near.
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Stories and Music
Storytelling seems to naturally happen a lot of times in these situations, but if you’re facing the loss of a loved one unexpectedly or if you’ve had communication problems with this loved one in the past, you might be unsure of what to talk about. Share stories or memories of good times, or ask them if they want to tell you about a happy time in their life or about their childhood. Be prepared for the possibility that your loved one may feel the need to confess or to talk over things they may feel guilty or conflicted about. Offer to contact a pastor or minister for them to talk to if they would like.
Recent studies have shown that reading or hearing someone read to you can help relieve pain. If your loved one has a favorite book or loves the Bible, spend as much time as you can reading aloud. As well as comforting your loved one, it also can help you manage your stress and anxiety.
In a similar way to reading, it’s believed that music can help reduce pain, stress, and anxiety. Make a playlist for your loved one, or if you can, sing some of their favorite songs. If they have a history of singing, it may bring them great joy to sing with you. This is an easy way for children to show love as well, since knowing what to talk about can be stressful for young ones.
A Prayer For You
Jesus, please draw close to this precious brother or sister facing the death of a loved one. Let them feel Your presence and Your love. Carry them through the hard days ahead and comfort their broken heart. Give them wisdom and discernment to show love in powerful ways to the people around them, and also to recognize what they need and to show love to themselves. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
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