The following blog is transcribed from a conversation with Robert and Taylor Madu talking about their lives in ministry, marriage, and avoiding comparison. We hope you’re encouraged to run the race God has set before you with grace and not to be discouraged by what anyone else is doing.
Graced For Your Race
Taylor: “I don’t think I’ve mastered the art of learning how to balance everything perfectly in my life. There’s a lot of days where I call [Robert] crying, just because sometimes it’s so overwhelming between him traveling and 2 babies under 2 and one on the way- just life in general. I find myself beating myself up a lot. I feel like if I’m satisfying Robert’s needs, then my babies are lacking. If my babies and my husband are doing great, if they’re not lacking for anything, my spiritual life is lacking. So, I’m constantly beating myself up because an area is lacking in my life. I usually just have to take a step back, and [Robert] helps me with this, and just reminds me that I’m human- I’m one person and I need grace, but ultimately one thing the Holy Spirit always speaks to me is, ‘Taylor, you’re graced for this.’
So many people say, ‘Taylor, I don’t know how you do what you do.’ And then I look at their life and I say, ‘I don’t know how you do what you do!’ But ultimately, it’s because I’m not graced to be who they are. I’m graced to be Taylor Madu, Robert Madu’s wife, and so with that being said, that’s what I keep in the forefront of my mind and in our home, that before the very foundation of the earth, God knew the plans He had for Robert, for me, and for our children.”
“Sometimes you have to be careful because things can become a competition, like sending Daddy out for ministry vs. family and all that, but I don’t think it has to be that way, I think we just kind of do it all together. If there’s an area that’s lacking, we take a step back, we acknowledge the area that’s lacking, and we give attention to it and then we move forward. I don’t know if you’ll ever learn to balance it all perfectly…but I think it’s important to never create that competition.”
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No For Now
Robert: “We don’t even like to use that term ‘balance’ because to me, balance just gives that imagery of you have all of these precious vessels that are important to you on a tightrope and you’re trying to hold it all together and if you’re not careful, you’ll start to put all these things against each other. Like, oh no, this is ministry time and this is family time. We just try to be good stewards of everything God has put under our jurisdiction. That takes reflection, that takes stepping back, that takes saying, ‘No for now, maybe later. That’s not for this season.’ For instance, I just got back from New Zealand. I was preaching there and I was gone for 11 days and preached 14 times. That was 1 of 2 international trips I took this year, but after getting back I saw [Taylor’s] face and she was like, ‘that was your last international trip. Put your passport away. You are staying in these United States of America.’ So I was like, ‘Ok.’ We just made the decision that for right now, I am not doing international trips because for this season with our kids, I cannot be gone for 10 days. I can do a trip here and there, but that’s just for this season.
There are different guardrails we put in. One of the things we do is at Easter, Father’s Day, Mother’s Day, and holidays, those are days that I don’t care who you are calling me to come preach, I’m not going. We’re going to go to church as a family. That’s just some different guardrails that we’ve put in.”
Taylor: “I think so many times in ministry, because I grew up in a pastor’s home, so many times it’s like ‘God has to be first’ but God is in us and with us. It’s not like He’s separate from that, so I feel like sometimes people feel the pressure that they have to put their ministry above their family and I think if you’re out ministering to the world and He’s changing lives, yet the home life is suffering, something’s wrong.”
The Danger of Comparison
Robert: “Comparison is the thief of joy. This is one of the messages God has given me the mandate to tell the body of Christ because social media has changed the landscape of life. It’s amazing how you can be so content with where you are and so happy, but then all of a sudden awareness drives discontentment. Can you imagine how happy you would be with your spouse if you just didn’t know, but now you have notifications on your smart device that’s making you stupid. We will take social media breaks and just keep our eyes on who Jesus is and what He has called us to do. It’s a slippery slope when you start playing the comparison game and nothing will steal your joy more than looking at somebody else. And let’s be honest, it’s not real. We’ll laugh sometimes, we’ll post a picture and somebody will comment, ‘Awww, we just want what you guys have.’
Taylor: “And we’re like, ‘you don’t know us! You don’t know what we have. I’d be careful about saying that!’ It’s so easy to put anything out that you want to paint this false persona. There are so many family pictures we take that look perfect, but it took us 10 billion photos to get that picture. But that sums up social media. It’s not realistic. I encourage everyone to just be you and remember, you’re graced for your race.”
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